[26 Dec 2009|01:49am] insideinsanity Simply delicious. Simply, gloriously delicious. I wanted to put the old baggage away, but lets just do it all at once. post comment

[25 Dec 2009|11:03pm] squeeze k so liek my dell computer is totally dead. because it got a weird virus as usual and then got worse and worse until i got the blue screen of death. w/e. fucking sucks. ive had this computer for almost 3 years and its given me nothing but trouble. the video card melted, the harddrive had to be replaced, i've gotten many viruses, random keys on my keyboard stopped working, my power cord broke and is in the process of breaking again, etc. and its always been a pain in the ass to fix because i can take it to the idiots at the UMD IT center or like...what do i do, call dell customer service and ship it halfway around the world by myself to let someone fuck with it? i always just have to wait until i can give it to IT and then they take forever to fix it and then like yell at me. fuck em. i feel like i should get a mac, yes? better customer service, much more accessible customer service, only 999 for the lil' macbook which is all i need. should i get a mac, lj friends? please convince me, because i am hesitant about leaving the pc camp, i feel like a traitor and a scoundrel but i'm sick of bullshit viruses and bullshit problems. i feel like maybe i could get a better pc instead of a shitty dell but i'm mainly trying to avoid viruses since i get them pretty frequently and KISS (KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID). sooo what do i do you guyz. 5 comments|post comment

[25 Dec 2009|05:35pm] crazedpoet I've spent the last year of my life trying to clean the slate. I'd like to think its going well, I'd like to think that I am bettering myself as a person. I know I see it. I'm not the same as I was in high school, just like I wasn't the same as I was in middle school and so on. I've changed and yet I am the same-- I am growing into myself. Whatever has happened in the past is forgiven. Whatever stupid shit I said or did no longer pertains to the present moment. You guys are the best and you know who you are AND if you don't you really should. Peace. Love and Merry Christmas you mother fuckers! post comment

[24 Dec 2009|05:08pm] shiftydiskogirl welp, had my annual christmas flip out. now i can carry on. if anyone wants to hang out tonight, they should call. 2 comments|post comment

Flight Delay [23 Dec 2009|05:11pm] excel958 I'm sitting by my gate at Tampa International Airport flight from Tampa to Baltimore (aka Get-Shot-Ville)... and my flight is delayed from 5:10 to 5:45, lol. I've been reflecting to how this year has been. It started well, then took a total dive towards what may have been emotional hell, and by the grace of God I was able to barely crawl back up by the tip of my fingers. Many of my inner iniquities were faced, and now I stand higher than I originally had been. In retrospect, I see that I developed a lot throughout this year. I think the one thing I grew the most was discovering what love truly means... and I think it all began with reading The Kite Runner... which to me was a further reflection of the love of God and its application to humans, despite their total brokenness. I've never encountered such a beautiful character like Hassan. Never have I quite fallen in love with a fictional character until then. So I see myself where I am now, and for the first time in maybe my whole life... I'm happy and content. I'm happy with who I am and how I have developed. I have plenty of room for more growth, but I'm liking the direction I'm heading. I'm happy knowing that regardless of what may happen, I'm going to succeed. So while 2009 may have been disastrous, it has left much room for 2010. I think 2010 will be challenging, difficult, but through it all: Glorious. I once asked a friend if she believed that dreams ever came true. She simply replied "Ryan, I graduated college." So I wonder what happens when you succeed in what you not too long ago believed you could never accomplish? Maybe you become overwhelmed with tears. Stricken with emotion. Humbled knowing that for some reason, you were able to win despite all the odds. So I will continually dream. Continually hope. But above all that: Continue to love. And that being said, I love you all. Oh so very much. I am everlastingly appreciative of all of those who has poured into me as well as I have been able to pour into. I have a philosophy that we as humans are deserving (perhaps entitled is a better word) of nothing. Absolutely nothing. As such, everything we have is a blessing. And you, my friends, are all blessings to me. I deserve none of you. Thank you. =) 4 comments|post comment

[23 Dec 2009|02:16am] crazedpoet I am disgusted post comment

[22 Dec 2009|07:01pm] shiftydiskogirl apparently seb came to stevenson. fuck him. goddamnit times 1000. i hate christmas. ahhhhhhhhh. i went to the record store today to pick up something for my mom and wound up spending $40 on myself. yay where the wild things are soundtrack, the damned, the ergs!, and my favorite saves the day album...through being cool. post comment

[21 Dec 2009|03:28pm] crazedpoet I'm starting to feel more and more alienated. Its not like anyone is doing it on purpose, but I can see it happening. The older I get the more I go my path. The more I go down my own path the less I connect with people about movies, television, music, pop culture, etc. Its as simple as me not being able to talk with people about these things, because I don't know what they are referring to. Honestly, I'm starting to feel alone. I can't place if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just don't feel like I could ever possibly talk about how I am feeling with anyone. I can't spew these words out correctly. I don't sleep. I hate it. I feel sick. 1 comment|post comment

[20 Dec 2009|10:03am] shiftydiskogirl cabin fever setting in. all day yesterday i hermitted myself in the basement and watched heroes for 8 hours. my plan to repeat said action today has been foiled because: a. family won't leave me alone. b. family is tense due to boughts of cabin fever c. my back hurts from laying on the sofa all day. d. family is currently outside shoveling and is pissed because i said i would shovel my car out later, because apparently we're supposed to get more snow and i'm only shoveling once damnit. e. i really could use cigarettes, alcohol of some sort and some good company. ahhhhh. i could watch cabin fever actually. i really need to invest in that movie. 4 comments|post comment

[20 Dec 2009|04:28am] squeeze Maybe I'm not as attached to home as I thought I was. Maybe I just really didn't like Maryland. I want to go home, sure, but I don't want to actually leave where I am now. I've never really had that feeling before. post comment

[18 Dec 2009|10:44pm] shiftydiskogirl my wish for tomorrow is that when i wake up i will be completely snowed in and alone with a certain boy. we would cuddle and watch old movies and listen to records and it would be grand. instead, i will probably be braving this supposed blizzard and going into work where i will have nothing to do and be freezing my ass off all day. oh well, it gives me an excuse to wear my docs. atleast boy will be at work too. either that or i'll be stuck at home w. the family all day. edit: snow too bad. boss called this morning told me to take the day. also, adam carson is tweeting (twittering?)my brother (lochravenraider). holy shit. 7 comments|post comment

Love [18 Dec 2009|01:34am] excel958 I saw we had ended up on a rutted dirt road near Isteqlal Middle School. There was a field on one side where lettuce grew in the summer, and a row of sour cherry trees on the other. I found Hassan sitting cross-legged at the foot of one of the trees, eating from a fistful of dried mulberries. "What are we doing here?" I panted, my stomach foiling with nausea. He smiled. "Sit with me, Amir agha." I dropped next to him, lay on a thin patch of snow, wheezing. "You're wasting our time. It was going the other way, didn't you see?" Hassan popped a mulberry in his mouth. "It's coming," he said. I could hardly breathe and he didn't even sound tired. "How do you know?" I said. "I know." "How can you know?" He turned to me. A few sweat beads rolled from his bald scalp. "Would I ever lie to you, Amir agha?" Suddenly I decided to toy with him a little. "I don't know. Would you?" "I'd sooner eat dirt," he said with a look of indignation. "Really? You'd do that?" He threw me a puzzled look. "Do what?" "Eat dirt if I told you to," I said. I knew I was being cruel, like when I'd taunt him if he didn't know some big word. But there was something fascinating--albeit in a sick way--about teasing Hassan. Kind of like when we used to play insect torture. Except now, he was the ant and I was holding the magnifying glass. His eyes searched my face for a long time. We sat there, two boys under a sour cherry tree, suddenly looking, really looking, at each other. That's when it happened again: Hassan's face changed. Maybe not changed, not really, but suddenly I had the feeling I was looking at two faces, the one I knew, the one that was my first memory, and another, a second face, this one lurking just beneath the surface. I'd seen it happen before--it always shook me up a little. It just appeared, this other face, for a fraction of a moment, long enough to leave me with the unsettling feeling that maybe I'd seen it someplace before. Then Hassan blinked and it was just him again. Just Hassan. "If you asked, I would," he finally said, looking right at me. I dropped my eyes. To this day, I find it hard to gaze directly at people like Hassan, people who mean every word they say. "But I wonder," he added. "Would you ever ask me to do such a thing, Amir agha?" And, just like that, he had thrown at me his own little test. If I was going to toy with him and challenge his loyalty, he'd toy with me, test my integrity. I wish I hadn't started this conversation. I forced a smile. "Don't be stupid, Hassan. You know I wouldn't." Hassan returned the smile. Except his didn't look forced. "I know," he said. And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too. "Here it comes," Hassan said, pointing to the sky. He rose to his feet and walked a few paces to his left. I looked up, saw the kite plummeting toward us. I feard footfalls, shouts, and approaching melee of kite runners. But they were wasting their time. Because Hassan stood with his arms wide open, smiling, waiting for the kite. And may God--if He exists, that is--strike me blind if the kite didn't just drop into his outstretched arms. -The Kite Runner 7 comments|post comment

[18 Dec 2009|12:00am] shiftydiskogirl christmas shopping is the devil. post comment

[17 Dec 2009|01:11am] crazedpoet You think you know someone, they tell you how they hate you for an entire year and then you're not even sure you know yourself anymore. post comment

in the spirit of procrastination... [16 Dec 2009|03:21am] squeeze Wednesday Hand in 8pg paper at 12pm. currently it is 3AM and I have 6 pages fuckfuck Study and read all of the books that i didnt read for nordic mythology Creamy parmesan and mushroom pasta Thursday Nordic Mythology final 12pm-2pm Copenhagen chillin' Not getting to go to Gothenburg :( Cleaning my room and packing, scrubbing my bathroom, vacuuming my floor, annihilating silverfish, etc. Friday DIS closing ceremony, 2:30-4:30 DIS closing party at 8PM, two free drinks before 9PM Going out somewhere for the second to last time Saturday 12:30 lunch reservations at NOMA, the 3rd best restaurant in the WORLD. Last minute gift-buying, Copenhagen galavanting, probably crying Last night in Copenhagen :( Packing the rest of my shit when I'm prolly drunk and tired Sunday Depart at 10AM for the airport because COP15 makes public transportation unreliable Flight from Copenhagen to Iceland departing at 1:20PM Flight from Iceland to JFK, arriving at 6PM ALL-AMERICAN BURGER Martin (?) A Christmas movie to lull me to sleep Monday Seeing friends, hopefully Baking Christmas cookies ??? !!! Tuesday Food Not Bombs with Martin at 6pm Overwhelmingly good and bad and everything in between. It's certainly gonna be a week, that's for sure. 8 comments|post comment

[13 Dec 2009|07:06pm] crazedpoet fuck it. I can't meet anyone in college that I can stand being around. 1 comment|post comment

[13 Dec 2009|06:24pm] shiftydiskogirl boy came up behind me today and took my jerbang hat off of my head. then laughed and ran away. then gave it back. he needs to stop being cute, damnit. post comment

[12 Dec 2009|05:46pm] shiftydiskogirl getting drinks w. dane, jess and ally was exactly what i needed. dane is a wonderful man and an amazing friend and i'm saddened that i only got to see him for a few hours. he really put somethings into perspective for me. and who doesn't love an englishman who can rap jay-z songs? we went to a bar in little italy. back by the bathrooms was all this wall art. i bunch of my dad's friend's names were painted on the wall. that was bizarre. but really heartwarming. like, my dad was probably getting drinks there w. his friends 20 years ago. i still really hate christmas. but i found this old beanie i used to wear when i was goth. it's black and white stripe. it actually looks way cute now that i don't roll it up and wear it w. super curly, dyed blonde hair. well, i don't look jerbang anymore, anyway. post comment

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